My heart is beating.
Every second more and more blood circulates my body. It’s so loud, I can’t hear what people say anymore.
Like an avalanche it perishes me under its weight. I can’t breathe.
My body is full of fear.
Slowly I begin to notice my thoughts. They whisper…no, they scream. Louder and louder they shout into my ears.
There is no hiding, no safe zone.
Every step I take to get closer, my thoughts become more and more, my body freezes up and my heart keeps beating as if I am standing in front of a lion.
In my head the neurons keep firing like its New Year’s Eve. All my senses become heightened and the outside world seems to be one messy painting.
There is nothing which gets me out of this situation. As if the whole world was plotting against, that’s how it feels.
Please help me, I hear my inner child whisper. Please take this weight off of my shoulders, I hear my inner child beg me with his eyes full of tears.
But my mind is too loud. The noise in my head keeps sucking the last bit of confidence I had out of me.
I freeze.
Going forward seems so deadly, so painful, I can’t continue.
I try to stand still and become mindful. But no, there is no saint left in me.
My feet won’t keep going forward and my body starts to sweat.
It’s now or never, I try telling myself. It’s now or never.
And as it happened time after time, fear had won and I have lost.
