Day #2 — Start of the Habits

It’s been quite some time since I meditated the last time. Today I managed to do it again.

While I was reading outside (because I got so sick of watching useless stuff all day) this sudden motivation and joy have hit my mind resulting in the wish or more the concrete task to go meditating after finishing reading.

Meditating felt kinda hard. At first, I couldn’t really let go and during the meditation, my body felt so dense, so full of toxic stuff. Afterwards, I feel very relaxed but also somewhat dirty. Is it the food I eat? Is it the drugs and the partying? This feeling of unease, of unconscious darkness, is filling my mind for a few weeks right now. I realized it before as well, but now the motivation to change it walked side-by-side with the introspection.

Damn, I feel too chilled to write haha. I mean yeah there are some words in my mind, but these are more or less saying “ah fuck my life, I’m so unhappy right now. I know I should draw, but don’t do it. I know I should it more vegan, but I don’t do it. I know I should take fewer drugs, but I still do them.”

Recognizing what has become of me gives me somewhat hope but also nostalgia. The times where I was meditating every day, eating vegan, watching some esoteric Youtuber, doing yoga and enjoying the sunset (and flowers) were the best time in my life.

But I know that in this sacred time there was also a lot of ignorance and not-knowing (and also quite a bit of repressing and burying the deeper circumstances that led me to live such a “spiritual” life).

Can’t I have the best things of both worlds? Why do I need to take everything seriously? Why can’t I believe in crystals or chakras? What is bad in depending on some illusory concepts that help me find my roots? And why the fuck do I still eat vegetarian at home? Yeah I know it’s easy but come on…you know why you feel so shit?!? You ate so many sweets and shit in the last days or even weeks, so it’s no wonder you feel like a sack of potatoes.

Ok, let’s stop the renting and see what we can do.

First of all, I already managed to manifest some routines by giving myself some challenges. (I say manifesting because it’s been only day #2 and so I can’t say this is my routine now…this takes at least 7–14 days or even longer)

These are the habits that I will incorporate in my 7-day challenge:

  1. Reading (excluding before going to bed reading)
  2. Yoga
  3. Meditating
  4. Writing

The minimum time for these habits is 10 minutes. I wouldn’t go much longer (except reading) so that it doesn’t empty my motivation to do it again the next day.

(Ok because I need to get it done, I will extend my time for the writing to 15 minutes.)

There are some other habits I also want to include but before I overdo it, I’ll start slow and simple. Here are the other habits I want to bring more into my life:

  1. Drawing
  2. Painting
  3. Going vegan
  4. Being electronics-free at 10 pm
  5. Going to bed at around 10-11 pm
  6. Taking drugs every 2–3 weeks
  7. Vacuuming my room more often

“Why I am even doing this? This will give me nothing and I will not succeed in doing it either?” I know these thoughts are there but in reality, they are just that…thoughts. Only your deeds will give you the proof you need to see that you can change. ;)

Bye! and until tomorrow!!

Young Designer looking for love and new shows on Netflix. I also like to write.